2009 Winter Newsletter

A GUIDEBOOK FOR
BIG BROTHERS/BIG SISTERS
OF THE GEORGIAN TRIANGLE


AND
PARENTS / GUARDIANS OF
LITTLE SISTERS / LITTLE BROTHERS

INTRODUCTION

Welcome to Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Georgian Triangle! We are pleased that you are considering us and we trust that you will decide to join us in this a rewarding and enjoyable experience. Developing any friendship is a great adventure and we feel certain that this relationship will be no exception.

We realize that it is sometimes difficult to be “just friends” but we want you to know that you have the full support of this agency.

We would like to hear from you either by phone or you can drop by for a short visit if you wish to share any concerns. Of course, we would like to hear good news too, particularly if you share an experience that you think the other matches might enjoy. Put it in writing – and don’t be surprised if it finds its way into the Big Brothers Big Sisters Newsletter.

Big Sisters Big Brothers of the Georgian Triangle is located at:
129 Hurontario Street
Collingwood, Ontario
L9Y 2L9
Tel: 705 445-2330
Fax: 705 445 8627

Website: www.bigbrothersbigsistersgeorgiantriangle.org
Email: bbbsgtri@aol.com

Just being yourself is the best gift you can offer the Big/Little relationship. Have fun, do healthy things, be friendly, be understanding, be caring and the results of this friendship can be phenomenal!

How do you start? Just be yourself – you have a lot going for you!


A short note about the terminology used in this manual. As you might expect, some terms will be repeated many times. Here are a few, and what they mean:

BB Big Brother
BS Big Sister

LB Little Brother
LS Little Sister

Match Big/Little pairing

Case Big/Little/Little’s parent(s)/guardian(s)

CSP Child Safety Program

Sandparent - Senior volunteer mentoring a child between the ages of 3-6yrs


QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE

How is the agency financed?
10% of our annual budget is funded by the United Way of South Georgian Bay. 40% is from our Bowl For Kids Sake Event held every February. 21% is made up from funding grants i.e. Big Brothers Big Sisters of Ontario Endowment Fund and the Ontario Trillium Foundation. 9% is individual donations and 17% is realized through the sale of Nevada tickets at various local businesses.

How much time must a BS/BB give to a LS/LB?
We expect the volunteer to have at least one year to commit to the program and spend two to four hours per week with his/her Little. Once a match is solidly established and recognized, all parties may review the effect of variables such as age, and alternatives to actual meeting times after a discussion with the Case Manager.

We also encourage the parents/guardians of our Little Sisters/Little Brothers who might be interested in involving themselves in the agency.


THE MATCH

Philosophy behind our agency
The philosophy of Big Brothers/Big Sisters is based on friendship between an adult female/male and a girl/boy, creating a special and unique relationship. The Big Brother/Sister is not attempting in any way, to replace a parent/guardian or act as a disciplinarian.

Her/his responsibility is to be a friend.

Who is a Big Brother/Sister?
S/he is a screened volunteer. S/he must be at least 18 years of age. Many of our Big Sisters and Big Brothers, when first joining the program, are in their mid-20’s. But all age groups, even into the early 60’s, are represented. Volunteers come from many cultural, educational and work backgrounds. Perhaps the only thing truly in common, is their interest to share and experience a good friendship.

Who are the Families?
The families who seek our services come from many cultural, educational and work backgrounds. Perhaps the only common denominator is that the majority are single-parent families with one or more children.

Screening
While many volunteers inquire about becoming BS/ BBs, only after a very thorough screening process is a volunteer deemed suitable and actually chosen.

The BS / BB screening process includes:
1. Three written reference checks.
2. A police check.
3. An in-depth interview with a Caseworker.
4. Participation in the child safety program.

Likewise, all parents/guardians and children meet with an agency Caseworker, who undertakes a family assessment and they, too are required to participate in the Child Safety Program.



BEHIND THE SCENES

Not all volunteers in the agency are Big Brothers/Sisters. Many men and women give there time in other areas, thus complimenting the work of our Big Brothers/Sisters. They may help to conduct the “business” of Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Georgian Triangle. They work to recruit volunteers, raise funds, plan activities, or provide legal and financial support services. People who contribute financially to the agency also support our work with Big and Little Sisters/Brothers in a way that is appropriate for them. Many thanks to all who contribute to Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Georgian Triangle.

A successful BB/BS program takes teamwork and we are happy that you are interested in joining our team.

We have professionally-qualified social work staff who screen potential Big Brothers/Sisters with great care. It is their job to decide which BB/BS’s make the best match for a boy/girl on the waiting list and, once matched, to supervise and support each case to ensure that the match progresses smoothly.

In addition, there is a full-time Executive Director who has overall management responsibility for the agency; there is a Rural Development Coordinator. In addition to the management team there is a strong team of two caseworkers who oversee the matching and In-School Mentoring.

CASEWORKER’S ROLE

It is the Caseworker’s role and responsibility to thoroughly screen potential volunteers, interview LS/LBs and their parent(s)/guardian(s), provide the Child Safety Program to all parties, and to match BB/BSs with LS/LBs.

Once a match has been made, it is the role of the Caseworker to supervise the match. This includes the following:

PERIOD TYPE OF CONTACT PERSONS INVOLVED
1ST month Personal and/or Telephone Weekly contact.
Telephone contact with the volunteer (Big), parent/guardian, child.
2-6 months Personal and/or Telephone Monthly contact with volunteer (Big), parent/guardian, child
By the end of the first 4 months IN-PERSON INTERVIEWS An in-person interview must be held with the parent/guardian and the child.
7-12 months Personal and/or Telephone Bi-monthly contact with volunteer (Big), parent/guardian, child
Annually (on or about the anniversary of the match) IN-PERSON INTERVIEWS With the
volunteer (Big), parent/guardian, child
After 12 months Personal and /or Telephone Quarterly contact with volunteer (Big), parent/guardian, child
At the time of closing IN-PERSON INTERVIEWS With the volunteer (Big), parent/guardian, child

Remember, it is the responsibility of the parent/ guardian, LS/LB, and BS/BB to keep the Caseworker informed of the match’s progress even if there are no difficulties. Your Caseworker is available for consultation should the need arise.

Confidentiality
Case files are the property of the agency and are maintained in the strictest confidence under lock and key. Each case is the assigned responsibility of a Caseworker at Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Georgian Triangle. All our Caseworkers are qualified social workers.




CHILD SAFETY PROGRAM (CSP)

There is an acute community concern about the incidence of child sexual abuse. The evidence shows that no child should be thought of as entirely safe from approach by an abuser, yet some children may seem more vulnerable than others.

This program requires that all children, parent(s)/ guardian(s), and BBs and BSs participate in the CSP. All BB/BSs require information about the problem of abuse and guidelines regarding their responsibilities. The guidelines have been prepared in order to protect children.

The following are the rules and guidelines set out by the agency with respect to a match:

1. Overnights are not permitted in the first year.
2. Overnights may be permitted only after the first year of the match and only with the parent’s/guardian’s and agency’s knowledge and written consent.
3. Four overnights are permitted yearly and each visit must not exceed 3 nights. They are only permitted with a signed waiver form (a waiver form is required for each overnight).
4. Sleeping in the same bed is strictly forbidden. Separate sleeping arrangements are mandatory.
5. Never involve the child in any setting, activity, behaviour or conversation that could be interpreted as inappropriate or leading to potential abuse (telling sexual jokes, sleeping the same bed, showering together, swimming in the nude, etc.). Exercise good judgment.
6. Nudity is strictly prohibited except in a public locker room setting (public swimming pool, gym, etc.)
7. Secrets between BB/BS and LS/LB are forbidden. It is unacceptable for a BB/BS to ask his/her LS/LB to keep any secret for any reason whatsoever.
8. The sharing and/or exposure of sexually explicit material (including literature, internet sites, magazines, movies, etc.) is strictly forbidden
9. BBs and BSs are not sex educators. Avoid misinterpretation; the Big Brother/Sister must always inform the parent/guardian and/or Caseworker of any discussion they may have with her/his LS/LB regarding sexual matters. Such discussion should result only from questions raised by the Little. Formal sex education is the responsibility of the parent/guardian. Answer occasional questions simply and factually without explicit detail.
10. The volunteer should never embrace or kiss the child, or behave in such a way to encourage sexual responses from the child. Behaviour such as body massage, stroking, touching, fondling, as well as contact with child’s inner thighs, buttocks, and genitals are strictly forbidden.
11. The BB/BS must be sensitive to and respectful of, a LS/LB’s negative response to any touch. If the LS/LB is confused, no matter how innocent and/or limited the contact (ie. holding hands, tickling, rough-housing) STOP.
12. Too much time spent in an exclusive setting is a problem. The one-on-one relationship means that the child becomes secure knowing that he/she is the primary focus in their BB/BS’s attention during their time together. This does not mean that the pair spend their time together behind closed doors, isolated from the community/public activities.
13. It is not appropriate for the BB/BS and the LS/LB to become “primary playmates”. Over-involvement can be viewed as dysfunctional for the LS/LB, his/her family, and the BB/BS. It can cause dependency, jealousy, and distortion of the volunteer’s role. Over-involvement can create mistrust and bring up questions about the volunteer’s motives.

Remember, we expect weekly contact for about two to four hour’s duration. The child and the volunteer should be free to develop other social contacts and network for outside activities.

It is widely accepted that children rarely lie about sexual or physical abuse. Therefore, a child’s concerns and statements regarding abuse will be respected by this agency.

It is the agency’s legal obligation and responsibility, as well as that of every citizen, to report any abusive situations or suspicions of any abuse to the police and child protection authorities.

GUIDELINES AND RULES FOR BIG BROTHERS/BIG SISTERS

We provide the following guidelines and ground-rules so that a Big Brother/Sister will know clearly what is expected of him/her.

1. The agency expects that Little Sisters/Little Brothers and their parent(s)/guardian(s) will be offered every courtesy by our Bigs.
2. The Big Brother/Big Sister does not become involved in disciplining the child. That is the parent’s/guardian’s responsibility. The BB/BS is a friend, not a parent/guardian.
3. A Big Brother/Big Sister is required to spend two to four hours a week with his/her LS/LB. He/she should plan his/her time with the LS/LB so it is spent out of the LS/LB’s home. This will also reduce the chance of the BB/BS becoming involved in any specific concerns affecting the other family members.
4. The Big Brother/Sister will call his/her LS/LB weekly to check in and make plans, will inform the parent/guardian when the volunteer plans to pick up his/her LS/LB, when they can be expected home, and will call if he/she expects that they will be late.
5. A Big Brother/Big Sister must let the LS/LB or parent/guardian know in advance if he/she must cancel and activity or outing.
6. A BB/BS will inform the parent/guardian of activities they will be engaging in, as well as the other people who might be involved. The parent/guardian must always know where the BB/BS and LS/LB are going.
7. A Big Brother/Sister may participate in family outings on occasion, but they should not replace the one-to-one contact with the LS/LB. The match was made to meet the LS/LB’s needs, not the needs of other family members.
8. A BB/BS has no financial obligations towards either his/her LS/LB or his/her family. Expenses incurred during outings together should be shared.
9. The BB/BS should call his/her Caseworker to keep the agency up-to-date on any family problem(s) which might affect the Big’s/ Little’s relationship.
10. The BB/BS is expected to cooperate with his/ her assigned Caseworker.


MEMOS FROM A LITTLE SISTER/BROTHER TO HIS/HER BIG SISTER/BROTHER

1. Don’t spoil me. My parent/guardian doesn’t give me everything I ask for and I may just be testing you.
2. Don’t be afraid to be firm with me, but please remember to be fair.
3. Help me form good habits. I rely on you to detect bad ones in their early stages.
4. Please don’t nag or lecture me.
5. Don’t make me feel smaller than I am.
6. If I need to be corrected, please – not in front of other people if you can help it, especially my other friends. I will appreciate it, and I will respect you much more if you talk quietly with me in private.
7. Don’t over-dramatize my mistakes; help me instead to learn from them.
8. Teach me about consequences. I need to learn to accept responsibility for my actions.
9. Admit your mistakes. I do not expect you to be either perfect or infallible.
10. If you have wronged me, apologize. An honest apology makes me feel much better about you (and it will teach me to do the same).
11. Remember that I cannot explain myself as well as I would like to and this is why I am not always very accurate.
12. Like you, I feel let down when promises are broken.
13. Be consistent in your behaviour and expectations, and you will find that I will follow your example.
14. Listen if I tell you I have fears. To me they are very real and you can do much more to reassure me if you try to understand.
15. Try to answer my questions. I ask in order to find out.
16. I am growing up quickly. Remember that I am experimenting. Please be patient with me.
17. A wise man once said, “ Give me a fish and I eat today; teach me to fish and I eat for a lifetime”.


HELPFUL HINTS

1. Do not try to accomplish too much during the first contact(s). Merely get acquainted. The best activities are the simple ones that offer a minimum of distractions.
2. A Big Brother / Big Sister is expected to take the initiative, particularly during the beginning stages of the relationship. Make appointments with your Little Sister / Little Brother and be consistent in meeting this commitment. You may suggest that your LS/LB contact you at a specific time. If your LS/LB does not call, follow up to make certain that the relationship does not die waiting for the LS/LB to call. Remember children are not always too sure of themselves, and they may be afraid or too shy to call.
3. Let your LS/LB know that you have a sense of humour, but never make fun of her/him and never be sarcastic. Be careful with teasing since this may have been used in the past as a way of embarrassing, insulting or controlling the child.
4. Remember how important your interests and ideas were to you when you were that age. Your LS/LB is intelligent so treat her/his ideas with the respect they deserve, even if they differ from your own.
5. Do not be critical of your LS/LB’s friends. However, your LS/LB should be encouraged to develop worthwhile, constructive and positive friendships.
6. If a BB/BS finds out that her/his LS/LB had made an attempt to deceive her/him, she/he should try to explain that the only way they can really be friends is to trust one another, and the only way to do this, is to always be honest and open with each other.
7. If a BB/BS is approached by her/his LS/LB for advice on a specific problem or concern, e.g.: drugs, alcohol, school etc., we urge the BB/BS to express her/his own feelings on the issue. Please do not lecture the LS/LB, particularly if the LS/LB has come for help.
8. The suggestions you make today may become the child’s own ideas tomorrow. For this reason, it is important to give advice sparingly and to avoid “preaching”. Do not hesitate to contact your Caseworker if you feel the situation warrants a conference on a specific concern.
9. The parent/guardian and the BB/BS should avoid discussing the LS/LB’s problems when the LS/LB is present.
10. Be interested in the LS/LB’s achievements both in the classroom and in group or sports activities. Do not try to force her/him into activities that you think might be “good for her/him”, but encourage her/him by suggesting new ideas.
11. If the BB/BS is going out of town for a while, try to maintain contact with your Little, since he/she is going to miss you and needs to know that you are thinking about them and that you miss him/her too. Why not send your LS/LB a postcard. Make the letters interesting – getting mail is exciting for youngsters!
12. Sometimes a BB/BS may ask themselves, “Am I really helping my LS/LB?” Be patient and understanding. Changes take time and may not be noticeable for quite a while. Accept your LS/LB for who she/he is.
13. Remember that the business of “growing up” is a mixture of fun, frustration, and hard work. A BB/BS is there to be a friend, to listen, and to offer suggestions. He/she is not expected to solve every problem.
14. Remember, you were once his/her age.
15. Always remember to keep your Caseworker in the picture. Remember, you work as a team of four: BB/BS, LS/LB, parent/guardian, and Caseworker.


REQUIREMENTS FOR LITTLES TO BE ACCEPTED INTO THE
BIG BROTHER/SISTER PROGRAM

Although all parents/guardians are required to attend the Information Session, it does not mean that all families are accepted into the Big Brother/Big Sister’s program. There are specific requirements that a family must meet before a child can be eligible to be matched. The agency requirements are as follows:

1. The family must live in the Georgian Triangle.
2. The boys and girls must be between the ages of 6 and 16. No matching is done after the age of 16, but once a match is made, it can last until the child is 18.
3. The child must agree to having a Big Brother/ Big Sister and actively participate in the BB/BS - LB/LS relationship.
5. The parent/guardian of the child must be willing to cooperate with the agency’s requirements as well as demonstrate such cooperation with the assigned Caseworker.
6. A child experiencing behavioral or emotional difficulties that are beyond the capabilities of the volunteer and the Big Brother/Big Sister Program, will be referred to other agencies.


WAITING TO BE MATCHED

Once a Little Brother/Little Sister has met the agency requirements and has been accepted into the program, her/his application is placed on the “waiting list.” Applications are not filed numerically (such as first, second, third, etc.), but are categorized by area. Once a Big Brother/Sister becomes available in your area, all Little Brother/Sister files are examined for a possible match. The average waiting period is up to 1 year (but may be longer depending on geographical location and special needs of the child).


GUIDELINES AND RULES FOR PARENTS/GUARDIANS

The LS/LB’s parent/guardian plays an important role in the Big/Little relationship. The following are the agency’s expectations for parents/guardians:

1. The agency expects that Big Brothers/Big Sisters will be afforded every courtesy by the families who are involved with them.
2. The parent(s)/guardian(s) has/have an ongoing responsibility for supervising the match, especially in the early stages, and contacting the Caseworker to keep the agency up-to-date on the state of the Big/Little relationship.
3. The parent/guardian must not rely on the Big Brother/Big Sister, and/or the agency, to provide transportation that is unrelated to the Big/Little activity. If the BB/BS is asked, he/she must decline politely.
4. The BB/BS is not to be used to run errands or to baby-sit his/her LS/LB or other children.
5. The parent/guardian cannot deprive his/her son/daughter from the weekly visit from the BB/BS as a means of discipline for the following reasons:
a) It interferes with the relationship between the Big and the Little.
b) It punishes the BIG by refusing him/her to see his/her Little.
c) Withholding the opportunity to interact with the BB/BS is not the same as withholding privileges (e.g. No computer, no TV, grounding, etc.)
6. The parent/guardian is responsible for ensuring that the LS/LB is properly dressed for the planned activity and is ready to go when the BB/BS arrives.
7. The parent/guardian must respect the time constraints of the BB/BS. Do not expect the BB/BS to spend more than the required two to four a week with the LS/LB.
8. The parent/guardian may talk to the BB/BS about a family problem involving the LS/LB, but not about other children in the family. The Caseworker is available to assist the parent/guardian with family issues.
9. The parent/guardian must not expect the BB/ BS to participate in family outings. If asked, the BB/BS may politely decline.
10. The agency expects that the parent/guardian will cooperate with her/his Caseworker.



SOME RESPONSIBILITIES FOR THE
LITTLE SISTER/LITTLE BROTHER

1. The LS/LB should consult his/her parent/ guardian about plans made with the BB/BS. The parent/guardian must always know where the BB/BS and LS/LB are going.
2. The LS/LB should tell his/her parent/guardian where they are going and when they will be back.
4. The LS/LB should respect the BB/BS and his/her belongings.
5. The LS/LB should make suggestions of what he/she would like to do with his/her BB/BS.
6. The LS/LB should ask her/his BB/BS if she/he may call her/him at home or at work and should always be reasonable with the amount of telephone calls to the BB/BS.
7. During outings, the LS/LB should have her/his own spending money, if it is required for the activity.
8. Overnights are not permitted during the first year of the match. They are permitted in the second year, but only with the parent’s/ guardian’s and Caseworker’s knowledge and written consent. Thereafter, overnights are permitted four (4) times a year with a total of three (3) nights maximum. Written consent is required for each overnight.
9. The LS/LB must return calls from their Caseworker to let him/her know how he/she feels about his/her BB/BS and the match.

YOUR CASEWORKER IS ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU!


SOLVING PROBLEMS

Good friendships do not necessarily require discussion of “problems” that are not related to the friendship. But if the problem is related to your friendship, it must be faced or the friendship will suffer.

Before a problem can be solved, it must be identified in a positive manner. Helping one’s LS/LB to deal with issues in a constructive way can be quite a challenge. It is particularly difficult if the BB/BS feels frustrated by it. Try to separate your feelings for your LS/LB from your feelings about the problem.

The language used is important. For example, instead of saying, “You’ve been a bad boy”, or “You’re not nice today”, a better way is saying something like, “Your behaviour is unacceptable” or “Hitting someone is not nice”…

To solve a problem or difficulty, both partners in the friendship must admit the problem exists and talk about it as openly and sensitively as possible. This is likely easier for the BB/BS than for the LS/LB. Once both partners decide where they stand, they can take action together to find an answer that is compatible to both. (Remember, the Caseworker is always available to help).

Co-operation and communication are the keys to success.

On the following pages, some of the common issues that may arise (and some guidelines to follow to try to resolve them) will be reviewed.

SPECIFIC ISSUES

Gimmie…Gimmie…The Money Issue
BBs/BSs may spend money when they are out with their Littles and occasionally gifts and special outings may be appropriate. Special events might include birthdays or the anniversary of the match.

It is crucial that the BB/BS refrain from spending money on every activity. This will inevitably lead to the LS/LB expecting it as the norm and seeing her/his BB/BS as a “Santa Claus”. It is best to involve the LS/LB in activities that do not require the BB/BS to “dip into her/his wallet” nor allow the BB/BS to “compete” financially with her/his Little’s parent/ guardian. Always ask your LS/LB to pitch in when there is a cost.
TIME, not money is the only thing that the Big needs to spend on her/his Little.

Discipline and Misbehaviour
As a BB/BS you are not a disciplinarian. You are not replacing a parent/guardian. You are a friend. It is wise, however, to consider in advance, some possible situations and your reaction to them.

If the LS/LB does something that the BB/BS feels might potentially be unsafe, or behaves in an inappropriate way, the BB/BS should discuss the behaviour and her/his expectation with the LS/LB. Tell the LS/LB that if the behaviour persists, he/she will be taken home immediately and the reasons will be discussed with the parent/guardian. Under no circumstance does physical discipline ever take place.

Alcohol and Illicit Drugs
A BB/BS must never allow his/her Little Sister/ Brother to consume any alcohol or drugs under any circumstances. A BB/BS shall not consume any alcohol or drugs in the presence of her/his LS/LB at any time.

Smoking
A BB/BS must not allow her/his LS/LB to smoke unless written permission by the parent/guardian has been granted. If the BB/BS does not allow smoking in her/his home or in the car, she/he should not hesitate to include her/his Little under these rules. If the LS/LB insists on smoking without permission, end the outing and take him/her home. A Big should refrain from smoking in front of his/her little.

Safety Equipment
Seatbelts, helmets, lifejackets, etc. are to be worn by both the Big and the Little at all times, for safety precautions and when the law requires the practice.

Any Illegal Activity
Speeding, trespassing, and fishing in restricted areas are prohibited.

Secrets
There are no secrets. We teach the Littles in our program that there are to be no secrets between the Big and the Little that cannot be shared with the parent/guardian and/or Caseworker. The relation-ship must be open and aboveboard and this must be understood by all parties. The Big must let the Little know that he/she will have to report inappropriate or dangerous behaviour to the Little’s parent/guardian.


School – How Can the BB/BS Help?
A LS/LB may occasionally ask for help to deal with the pressures involved with homework, studying, reading, and writing. With the parent’s/guardian’s approval and the Little’s consent, a Big may be of help in the following areas:
1. Studying
a. Encourage good study habits.
* minimize distraction (radio, telephone, TV)
* take a break every 30 to 45 minutes
* good lighting
* discourage cramming
b. Know what the Little is studying. If he/she is unsure, get him/her to ask the teacher about content. Go through old tests.
c. Help him/her to set up a study routine.
2. Reading
a. Ask the Little to read out loud to you – not necessarily homework – it can be anything.
b. Ask the Little to summarize what he/she has just read – verbally and/or in writing.
c. Help your Little develop “mental pictures” of what he/she has just read and relate it to his/her own experience.
3. Homework
a. Encourage your Little to organize his/her time so that he/she can study every day.
b. If necessary, encourage your Little to ask for help after school. Often kids do not like to ask for help because they think it makes them appear “dumb”.
4. Writing Exams
a. Ask your Little to make an outline of what he/she wants to say.
b. Review definitions of various exam question words such as compare, contrast, define, etc.
c. Encourage your Little to read instructions carefully, gauge his/her time, answer the easy questions first, and always check answers if time permits.
5. Learning
a. It is important to remember that each child learns in a different way and at a different pace. What can be particularly frustrating for some children is that, although they have difficulty learning, they are usually of average or even above-average intelligence.
b. If a BB/BS does have concerns about possible learning difficulties, call the Caseworker to discuss appropriate strategies.
c. Finally, some children skip school because they cannot concentrate due to illness, problems or pressures at home. A Little may be bored in school or discouraged because his/her performance evokes little praise. Peer pressure could also be a factor. Sometimes smoking a cigarette with friends seems more important than attending a class.
d. The Little may wish to discuss this with their Big. Together, with support and encourage-ment from the Big, ways to rekindle his/her interest in school may be explored.

WHAT IF A BIG BEGINS TO LOSE INTEREST?

A few months into the match, both the Big and the Little will gradually begin to familiarize themselves with one another’s habits.

At times, a Big may have been encouraged by something his/her Little has said or done. At another time, however, he/she may feel that continuing the match is pointless. He/she may be questioning whether or not his/her Little ever wanted a BB/BS because there seems to be few, if any, signs of gratitude or enthusiasm. If the Big does begin to feel this way, he/she must not be discouraged… believe it or not, it’s a stage that most BB/BS experience.

We know that more has been accomplished in the match than the BB/BS may realize. Look for small changes. Big ones only occur over time. Often rewards or feelings of appreciation may be shown in unique ways. It may take a few more months or years to see the positive results.

A LS/LB may have experienced a bitter disappoint-ment, possibly more than one, before meeting her/his BB/BS. This may not be easily forgotten. Trusting someone, particularly another adult, can be a very difficult step for a Little. Perseverance and patience from his/her Big usually pays off. Times may occasionally seem rough but, most likely, this passage will be a tunnel, not a cave. Whatever a Big does, he/she must not become one more problem for his/her Little.

Sometimes (we hate to admit this, but it’s true), in spite of a careful matching process, a mismatch is possible. If the Big and the Little’s parent/ guardian feels this seems to have occurred in their own situation, do not hesitate to talk with your Caseworker – you can count on his/her understanding. Caseworkers support the volunteers in times of difficulty as well as in times of achievement.

Most importantly – be aware of this one sign – if a Big thinks he/she is losing interest in the match, talk to the Caseworker. He/she has heard that complaint before and a good chat at this stage can avoid a lot of misunderstanding later on. Don’t forget, we work as a team!





IDEAS FOR A DOG DAY AFTERNOON

1. Go hiking along the Bruce/Georgian Trails
2. Make a Kite
3. Take a board game out to a picnic table
4. Visit your local university or community college – and don’t forget the athletic centre
5. Try a new sport
6. Make a musical instrument out of anything handy
7. Adopt a country – learn its culture – visit its embassy
8. Go on a picnic
9. Visit your local fire hall (call in advance)
10. Go fishing/ice fishing
11. Read a mystery story together, or write one
12. Take pictures of wildlife with a camera
13. Travel on a city bus route together and see where you end up.
14. Write and illustrate a children’s book for Little Sisters/Little Brothers.
16. Read a play and go see it produced – read a book and see the movie
17. Teach your LS/LB what you know about drawing and painting – get her/him to teach you what she/he knows
18. Visit a Library and find out what year the Beatles were born, what an atlas is, or how long your trip to Betelgeuse would take at light speed
19. Find someone who will teach you how to pronounce words in Russian, Chinese, Arabic, or Inuit
20. Visit a do-it-yourself store and find something to work on together.
21. Fire up a barbecue and invite your LS/LB’s parent/guardian.
22. Do a cryptic crossword puzzle together
23. Spend a day communicating without words using sign language or invent your own signs
24. Tackle a 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzle
25. Wash your car – fix her/his bike or skateboard
26. Introduce yourself to computers that don’t play games
27. Go to your work place, visit his/her school (let the principal know you are coming)
28. Write/draw/colour your own thank you note to your Case Manager or to a donor who donated tickets to the game/movie/etc. you went to.
29. Learn how to read a contour map and go orienteering
30. Plan a budget for a month – find out what bank or trust company is paying the highest interest rate amount and open up a savings account
31. Borrow a video camera and make a miniseries, or take videos of your activities together
32. Play miniature golf – play real golf – but only with a five iron and a putter
33. Make your own mini-putt course in your backyard.
34. Plan a week’s menu together for your LS/LB and her/his parent/guardian and do the grocery shopping together.
35. Pick your own vegetables or fruit at a “Pick-your-own” farm
36. Work together on a woodworking / carpentry - like a birdhouse or trinket box.

WHEN YOU SAY GOODBYE!

Whether we want to think about it or not, all matches must eventually end – some after many years – some unexpectedly. Difficulties can arrive for the Little when the match ends, especially if it not expected. It is the Big’s responsibility to notify his/her Caseworker immediately, to discuss the approach to take in closing the match appropriately. This cannot be over emphasized.

We ask that the Big plan to end the match by talking about it directly with the Little. Taking the time to talk openly and honestly about the need to end the relationship, will help the child to deal with the reality in a positive way and lessen the chance that he/she will feel guilty and rejected. The Caseworker is also available to help the Little deal with the closure and to be a support system to all who are involved.

We have found that ending a match, or saying goodbye, can be a constructive and positive experience if handled properly. We believe that the feelings which surround the closure must be resolved so that there will be greater chance of establishing trusting relationships in the future. If the Big/Little relationship has helped to this end, then that is the best thing that a Big Brother/Sister could have done for her/his Little Sister or Little Brother

Yet the end of an “official” match need not always spell the end of the relationship. The agency is aware of many on-going friendships and contacts that will never really end. Staff in particular, take great gratification in hearing about these many former matches and their continuing activities.



ABOUT KIDS
A generalized summary of childhood behaviour.

Around Age Eight
1. Characteristic Behaviour
a. Often careless, noisy, argumentative, but also alert, friendly, interested in people. Eager and more enthusiastic than cautious. Sensitive to criticism. Higher accident rate than younger children.
b. Groups beginning. Best friends of same gender. Allegiance to other children instead of to an adult, in case of conflict.
c. Fond of team games, comics, television, movies, adventure stories, collections.
2. Special Needs
a. Praise and encouragement from adults. Reminders needed about responsibilities. Wise guidance and channelling of interests and enthusiasms, rather than domination or unreasonable standards. Needs a best friend.
b. Experience of belonging to peer group – opportunity to identify with others of same age and gender. Adult-supervised groups and planned after school activities. Exercise of both large and small muscles.

About Nine or Ten
1. Characteristic Behaviour
a. Responsible, dependable, decisive, reason-able, strong sense of right and wrong. Capable of prolonged interest. Often make plans and go ahead on their own.
b. Good hand-eye co-ordination. Ready for crafts and shop-work. Perfectionist – wants to do well, but loses interest if discouraged or pressured. Interested less in fairytales or fantasy, more interested in the community, country, and in other countries and people.
c. Spends a great deal of time in talk and discussion. Often outspoken and critical of adults, although still dependent on adult approval. Frequently argues over fairness in games.
2. Special Needs
a. Active rough-and-tumble play. Friends and membership in group. Training in skills, but without pressure. Books of many kinds, (depending on reading level and interest). Expects reasonable explanations without being talked down to.
b. Definite responsibility. Frank answers to questions about physiological changes.

The Pre-Adolescent
1. Physical Development
a. A “resting period” followed by a rapid growth in height and then weight. This usually starts some time between nine and thirteen years old. Boys may mature as much as two years later than girls. Girls are usually taller and heavier than boys.
b. Reproductive organs maturing. Secondary sex characteristics developing (may develop unevenly and at different rates). Uneven growth of different parts of the body.
c. Enormous but often unpredictable appetite.
2. Characteristic Behaviour
a. Wide range of individual differences in maturity level. Groups continue, though loyalty to the group is stronger in boys than in girls.
b. Interest in team games, pets, television, radio, movies, comics.
c. Marked differences in interests between boys and girls. Some common traits of this age group are teasing each other and the seeming antagonism between boys and girls groups.
d. Awkwardness, restlessness and laziness as a result of rapid and uneven growth.
e. Opinion of own group beginning to be valued more highly than that of adults. Often becomes changeable, uncooperative, over-critical and rebellious.
f. Self-conscious about physical changes. Interested in earning money.
3. Special Needs
a. Understanding of physical and emotional changes about to come.
b. Skillfully planned school and recreational programs to meet needs. Opportunities for greater independence and for carrying more responsibility without pressure. Affections and sense of humour in adults. No nagging, condemnation or talking down. Sense of belonging, acceptance by peer group.

Adolescence
1. Physical Development
a. Prior to puberty there is a growth spurt, and both boys and girls continue to grow in height and weight until they reach adult proportions. Boys obtain their maximum height at about 19 years old but continue to increase in weight into their early 20’s. Girls tend to reach maximum height during the high school years. The growth patterns of individuals vary according to the age in attaining puberty.
b. This can be influenced by heredity, nutritional factors and environment.
c. In North America, approximately half the girls become capable of bearing children between the ages of 12 and 14. Boys mature sexually a year or more later.
d) Physiological changes for girls include development of breasts, menstruation and the growth of body hair. For boys, their voices change and they experience facial and body hair growth.
2. Psychological Development
a. Adolescence is a time of searching for personal identity, separate from the family. The opinion of peers becomes increasingly important and the teenager is moving toward greater responsibility of self, or independence from parents/guardians.
b. Development of an increasing capacity for abstract thought which facilitates growth of a personal value-system.
3. Social Development
a. A growing interest in members of the opposite sex and an increasing capacity to develop deep and meaningful relationships. Peer relationships are very important and there is less interest in doing activities with the family.
b. Behaviours such as rebellion against parental values, emotional outbursts, and questioning ones own self-worth are natural consequences of this period of movement toward adulthood.

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE

If a child lives with criticism, s/he learns to condemn.

If a child lives with hostility, s/he learns to fight.

If a child lives with ridicule, s/he learns to be shy.

If a child lives with shame, s/he learns to be guilty.

If a child lives with tolerance, s/he learns to be patient.

If a child lives with encouragement, s/he learns confidence.

If a child lives with praise, s/he learns to appreciate.

If a child lives with fairness, s/he learns justice.

If a child lives with security, s/he learns to have faith.

If a child lives with approval, s/he learns to like himself/herself.

If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, s/he learns to find love in the world.



TOUCH A LIFE

If you want to touch the past,
touch a rock,
If you want to touch the present,
touch a rose,
If you want to touch the future,
touch a life.





One hundred years from now…
…it will not matter what
your bank account was,
the sort of house you lived in,
or the kind of car you drove
…but the world will be different
because you
were important
in the life
of a
CHILD


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